come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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