i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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