I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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