awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
