Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
