Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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