you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You made out with two different species that night
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
