Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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