You're my little dorito
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
