Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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