I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
