I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
3 2 1 whiskey
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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