i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
