When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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