I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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