The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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