The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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