I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass