In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.