Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
