my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.