I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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