just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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