At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
