So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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