ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
