I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
