I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
