She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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