Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
