i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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