nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
