I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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