Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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