yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
