You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
