Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The maid of honor just puked.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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