what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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