Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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