so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
