Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
