i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
