Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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