I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
