matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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