Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special