he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard