Dual....:-)
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
