After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
