i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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