Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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