After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
