The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
