i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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