Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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