I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
