he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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