This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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