yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
