did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
