Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
