The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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