if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
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I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
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It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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