I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
