Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize