remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
