Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
