So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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