I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
