You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I love you. Go after that dick
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
