i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
