drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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