Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My liver just had a heart attack.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
