too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
