so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
