Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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