I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
