U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm like, not good at living.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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