we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.