is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night