you guys were way drunker than both of me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.