I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
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Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
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Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense