There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.