Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.