these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
