Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
