woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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