does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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