im holly from the hills drunk
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
